‘Every year in the UK, an estimated 2.3 million people have problems with excessive ear wax.’
Never Stick Anything Smaller Than Your Elbow in Your Ear
Never Stick Anything Smaller Than Your Elbow in Your
Ear
Malleus Incus Audiologist – Treatments £85.50 per
session
For personal Ear
Wax Removal at home
apply for a free
quotation,
send details to
malleusincus.com
describing all
ear irritation.
If hair grows
like pampas grass out of your ears,
or pit dust has
filled your canals,
or work down the coal
mine for forty-five years
has caused grime
to silt up your valves,
then Malleus
Incus the Audio man
will visit your
home right away,
discreet audiology
second to none,
with 10% off
during May.
If all you can
hear is an incessant hiss
like after a gig in
the park,
a soft muted fizzle,
a hearing abyss
where sound is a
shot in the dark,
Then Malleus
Incus the Audio man
will tend to your
every need,
in only ten minutes
he’ll do what he can
a fast, painless
job guaranteed.
The Malleus Incus
procedure dissolves
and flushes out
all trace of wax,
with hygienic
rinses designed to resolve
the dregs that
cause itching attacks.
His stainless
steel rod with its grouted out head
is whizz for dry
irrigation;
his vacuum pump
action with extracting thread
would suck a
train out of a station.
When external
channels are packed tight with gunge,
you’ll need
multifunctional swab,
it’s sort of a
hydrogen peroxide sponge,
which usually
does a good job.
Forget little
fingers; that warm pinky-prod,
the pen, or the
cocktail stick trick,
you’ll impact the
particles, compact that crud,
and cause it to set
worse than Prit.
Do not use the
pencil eraser technique,
it’s not the most
dazzling idea,
for something
distinctive and new ultra-chic
a hot candle stuck
in your ear
called
Thermo-auricular Therapy Fix,
is by far the
most popular craze;
white linen is
soaked in a paraffin mix,
rolled tightly and
then set ablaze.
And if all else
fails there’s the tooth fairy, Lok
she works on ears
in her spare time,
but don’t be
surprised if you black out with shock
her technique is
not so refined.
She hammers a
tiny wee nail in your drum,
enough to cause
perforation,
and then she
blows hard, and the wind whistles through
affecting instant
filtration.
Of course, Lok is
under strict supervision,
M Incus, her overall
boss,
she comes with a
comprehensive provision
of cover for slight
hearing loss.
For personal ear wax
removal act now
M. Incus will
render it clear,
choose Malleus
Incus the man who knows how
to move all that
gunk from your ear.
Mail Malleus
Incus.com, advice free.
Why suffer that
tormenting pain?
Send 85.50 and we’ll
guarantee
you’ll never hear
from us again!
Jane Sharp
2017
I think I must have a warped muse working with me at the moment, either that or I'm just not hearing right.
I had a lovely day at the Shortland's Poetry Circle Summer Celebration, at Ripley Arts Centre, Bromley, on Tuesday where the guest poets were Danielle Hope and Michael Loveday. After the reading there was a homemade afternoon tea complete with strawberries dipped in dark chocolate, yummy! It was a good antidote to the terrible sadness of the past couple of weeks in London.
If you haven't listened to Ben Okri's poem, do it now.
If you haven't listened to Ben Okri's poem, do it now.
So sad, such a brilliant poem and what an accurate account of that terrible scene. My prayers are for both the lost and the living.
It's a sad note to end on but all those people deserve a minute of our energy to help them get through.
Talk again soon,
Jane x
It's a sad note to end on but all those people deserve a minute of our energy to help them get through.
Talk again soon,
Jane x
