53 Years and Still Laughing!

 

Hello Everyone,

The Art House is our favourite dining out place, interesting, intimate and indulgent. For our 53rd Wedding Anniversary we dined in style, yes, steak and chips and a bottle of champagne. It was the perfect way to end a perfect day, a day spent discovering Lincoln. We had never been to Lincoln so decided it would be a lovely day out on our anniversary, to trip off in The Dream Machine and take a look at the Cathedral. So that is exactly what we did. Here are the pics of our jolly:

And the next day, to clear our heads a little, we walked out of Birdwell to the campsite where our son, David Jnr, is trying out his new model festival tent cum yurt. However, the heavens opened and we all got a bit wet, that's life!

On Thursday we popped over to see our Granddaughter, Star, at her new flat in Hoyland, where David fixed new curtain rails. And on Friday we had an 'at home' day, I did a bit of painting, and David was researching for our up coming trip to Arran. Then of course it was Shednight, yeah! and here is our Shedcast number 31:

And that brings us to David's birthday and another jolly day. The morning was taken up with rehearsals for me, and shelf putting up, for David, but that was over by lunchtime by which time we were in Birthday mode. We tripped off to Wentworth and took a look around the antique centre, had a cuppa in the tea shop then went to Elsecar to look around the Heritage centre. That was a good move because I managed to find new shoes and a matching handbag that are perfect for the wedding we are invited to at the end of August, and hopefully will be OK for the other wedding we are invited to in January. Then it was home where we parked up and walked to The Traveler's Rest for a Birthday pint and a glass of cider before the cutting of the cake. And because those pictures have not yet transported to Google I will have to put them up later. You will probably have seen them on Facebook anyway.

My mission for today, as it is tippling down outside, is to finish reading the book I bought by Grayson Perry, The Decent of Man, and not a lot else. I suppose there will be a small saucepan of cooking involved, and the odd episode of Heartbeat to catch up on.

So, we'll catch up again next week. Have a good week, all. Keep well, and keep smiling,

Love, Jane and David xx

P.S. And here is my Anniversary poem:

WELL FLIP MY PANCAKE!

O Happy Week! Pancake day on Tuesday mid all the turmoil of decorating the front room. Nothing stops tradition! I do have a small video of me flipping a pancake, but unfortunately it's on David's phone and I haven't worked out how to get it on this blog. Maybe next time. Rest assured every one of my 8 pancakes was well and truly flipped.

And look who was in the shed this week. Yes, our Barnsley Bard, Mr Ian MacMillan as painted by me. We actually ran out of alcohol this Friday, so finished off the Christmas mulled wine and then abandoned the shed for warmer surroundings, i.e. our front room. Desperate measures!

And in the Art House this week, Ian MacMillan

English/Greek flags 

Art work - Empty Cans!

A hint of blue

 And after a week of painting and decorating we have our new look living room. 

Reading room

The Music Corner

David's Mum

New curtains

It's been a busy week but we are pleased with the result. I'm not a natural paper hanger, and I'm glad I wasn't doing the whole room with wallpaper, but it's a half decent job for a pensioner. David pasted and I applied, we're a good team. The bedroom next - but not tomorrow.

Well, the news is full of Corona Virus and how it is spreading across the world. It is a wee bit disconcerting, but what will be, will be, we can't stop living. We can however be vigilant and do all we can to prevent the spread - washing hands well after travelling on the buses etc. The TV reports from China and South Korea are distressing, and our Government is making plans in case there is an epidemic here in England. So far about 20 cases, but people are dying, mainly over 70 with health problems already. I'm thinking of starting a little food-bank in case I have to stay in the house for days on end. 

The good news! Boris, our Prime Minister is to be a father again. And he has popped the question so a wedding is on the cards. Always good for the press of the world.

Floods everywhere are causing havoc but according to the weather forecast, there are dryer days ahead, just cold. It's been the wettest February on record. There is a lot to be said for living on a hill.  Our garden is fairly sodden though.

I have entered my short story into the Barnsley Writers' competition. I honestly don't expect to win (call me negative) but it has been submitted.

We are to have another open mic in Elsecar, at the Milton pub, in May (details to follow). Something to look forward to.

It's St David's Day today, so I suppose if we were in Greece it would be David's name day. Do I make him a cake? I think I will.

So, that's my week, I think I'll have a cupa now before cleaning the bathroom (David has just been up there trimming his beard) - woman's work and all that.

I wish you a very good week ahead, keep healthy and happy. I'll be back next week with an update of my comparatively boring life. 

Love and Hugs,
Jane x

Open Mic in the Open Air

Hello lovely readers, I hope your week has been as 'funny' as mine. It started on Monday with an interview for The Wombwell Rainbow, a poety blog written by Paul Brookes, (check it out). 

Then on Thursday we went to see Lee Pollard in his one man show, at the No7 pub in Barnsley. What a great venue for a bit of spoken word. In the vaults of the pub is a subterranean bar, called appropriately 'The Cellar' (very cavern like) and the acoustics were very good. Lee was a hoot with his Barnsley anecdotes and very cleverly written poems. And it was all so funny that our cheeks were hurting.

On Saturday, David and I were off again on the 66 bus to Elsecar, where we met up with Ray Hearne and Matt Clegg for a bit of al fresco poetry. I must admit the audience was a bit sparse, but it was all good practice, and get to meet some other poets from the area. Tracy Day Dawson was there with her lovely poetry, and a rendering of Beowulf in old English dialect, it was a treat. The event was held at the Heritage Centre, and the day was fine, so all in all we had a really good few hours of jollity. Next week we will all be in the market place at Doncaster, mid-dayish.

Jane, Matt, Ray and Tracy

Jane and Ray Hearne

And today I'm taking it easy and trying to get my tummy back to normal after delicious fish and chips while we waited for the bus after a pint in Sheffield to round off the evening.

I will be busy preparing for the launch of Higgs Bottom, over the next few days. David has got my new poetry collection up and running on Amazon, and almost completed publication of the same as a paperback. So, Scary Woman will be launched at the same event.

Scary or wot?

Scary Woman is a collection you won't want to miss - honestly! 

So, lovely people, it is Sunday evening and I have tea to make before we settle down to the 9 o'clock drama on the BBC, World On Fire, so I'll say ta ta for now. Don't forget, if you will be anywhere near The Tap and Brew in Hoyland on Sunday 27 October, 4pm, pop along and join the fun at my book launch. And if you can't make it, take a look at the book here, it will make a unique Christmas present.

OK! Tea time!
Byeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Talk next week.

Don't Tell Me I'm Too Old to Vote

Hello dear reader, let me start by thanking you for following my blog, the stats are increasing and I know I have some lovely blogfans out there. That is so reassuring because I do spend many hours alone, either in my shed, writing, or playing the cello. Of course that is the path I have chosen and I wouldn't have it any other way, and when I do get to be in company I really enjoy that, too. So, thanks for joining me now and then. 

This week has been particularly quiet because David has been away visiting our daughter. I met him in Sheffield, at Meadowhall, when he arrived back on the Megabus, yesterday morning. He looked like he's been to Katmandu, rucksack and all, but the only souvenir of his trip was his bedsheets which he'd stuffed in the rucksack ready to go into the washing machine. He did take me to 5 Guys for lunch though, where we shared a burger and chips, and while it was a good burger, I thought it overpriced at nearly £11 for a burger, chips and a large paper cup of coke.

Now, the big news is that I have a date for my book launch, Sunday 27 October. It is to be at the Tap and Brew in Hoyland, at 4p.m. David and I have been designing a poster all morning, and this is what we have come up with:

So, pop it in your diary if you are going to be anywhere near the Tap & Brew in Hoyland on Sunday 27 October. The Tap & Brew is a great little pub, with a good selection of real ales, and a fantastic selection of gin drinks.

I'll be reading a short excerpt from Higgs Bottom, and introducing you to Sharpan the Rawskin, Reusable condoms, and a couple of unusual sonnets. It's all clean stuff though!

I'm looking forward to going to see my mate, Lee Pollard on Thursday, 10 Oct, when he has a one-man show in Barnsley. I shall make a full report next week.

And I've also got a slot in Elsecar, next Saturday, 12 Oct,  at the Heritage Centre, somewhere between 11a.m. and 4p.m. That should be a fun event with Ray Hearne leading the show.

What other news? Well, Ihave new boots:

They are very lovely, and keep me steady on my feet. Keeping up the image of Whacky Lady!















And I have kept away from the baking thing since my last disaster, eating bananas, and other such ready delights.

Here is a poem I wrote this week:

Don’t Tell Me I’m Too Old To Vote

Don’t tell me I can’t eat jelly for breakfast,

Don’t tell me what to wear, don’t tell me I’m past

My sell by date and Brexit’s not my affair,

Don’t tell me my brain is spongyfying at a rate of knots,

It’s not, it’s not, and if it is so what?

I’m a person of the planet; I’m not a microchip,

I’ve worked, I’ve procreated; I think I’ve done my bit,

And while there’s breath inside me I’m still a part of it,

So don’t tell me I’m too old to vote, I’m not the walking dead,

I can reason, I’m still in the boat, and you know what Doris said:

Don’t underestimate the silver haired, the ankle biting short,

They can rise to hold positions such as: Judge, Supreme High Court.

So don’t tell me I’m too daft to weigh up all the facts,

I can make a sound decision about parliamentary Acts,

Don’t take away my freedom; don’t take away my pride

Don’t tell me I’m too old when the fact is I’ve survived

Because I’m bloody canny, and I’ve worked to stay alive,

I’ve dodged the bullets, stood my ground, kept faith; I’ve ducked and dived

And I’m not beyond enjoying this extraordinary ride.

Don’t say the old are a burden on today’s society,

You wouldn’t be so scathing of a gnarled and knobbly tree,

You’d say, look how magnificent those ancient branches are.

And you’d prop it up, and hug it, feed it tree-food caviar:

You’d say, there’s wisdom in that tree, think what it must have seen,

You’d respect its age, look after it, sweep away its falling leaves,

You’d make sure as it got older it was safe from harm,

Not look on it as a fruitless has-been, scored and scarred,

Don’t tell me you’re unhappy with the way I rock and roll,

Stick this inside your ballot box - I’m not too bloody old!

So there you have it, another week goes by in the life of Jane Sharp. I hope you will join me next week to see what I've been up to. Oh, I nearly forgot, here is a short excerpt from Higgs Bottom to wet your appetite:

Have a fun week dear reader, love you lots, bye for now,

Jane x

I Keep Boris Johnson in the Fridge, and other new poems.

Today I've been to the Poetry Society Stanza meeting in Sheffield. It is held in the Library, and we get together with other poets to put our work forward for comment, and possible improvement. As there is a Harry Potter exhibition on at the moment, we were asked to contribute something on that theme. This is my effort, if you pass by the Library pop in, you may see my poem on display. Obviously, it is written from the point of view of a man. It's not all about me, you know. 

She Put A Spell On Me - Jane Sharp

The minute I saw the black cat, I knew.

I didn’t want to let on I’d clocked it,

so I feigned coolness, talked about the weather,

strange words tripped off my tongue.

latine loqui coactus sum.

The cat grew monkey bits,

a probiscus nose – Nasal Larvatus,

a long tail – Macaca Fascicularis,

and it’s claws began to morph into fingers.

I turned the conversation to philosophy,

‘You strike me as a very deep person’ I said.

Apparet te habere ingenium profundum.

I knew I was talking her language. And I could.

It didn’t go down well. The cat arched its back

like a medieval bridge, the Pont de Diavolo, hissed,

in cantatorum tuorum vehementem. Spells.

She must have sensed my fear, my battle with reality,

but she ignored it, handed me another cocktail,

saying, ‘Drink this.’ I knew I shouldn’t have, but I did. 

When I looked again, the cat was a tiger.

Et vidi cum Tigride Catus.

O Harrius Potter, ubi eras quando opus vestrum?

(Where were you when I needed you?)

Last week David and I did an Owl Walk with Steven Ely (brilliant poet) round Elsecar. We had a guided tour of the Newcomen Beam Engine and a night walk around the village. I fancy my ancestors may have been looking on, as I can go back four generations in Elsecar with my Royston blood.

 The next day, taking advantage of the bright Autumn weather, we headed for Birdwell woods and Rockley Iron Works. The colours were wonderful. There were lots of  ambers, reds, crisp golden browns and marmalade tinted leaves to crunch underfoot. And we were able to hike up a good appetite for lunch at the Cock Inn, before going home.



I also attended a poetry workshop which was about political poetry and how nursery rhymes are often based on politics, e.g. The Grand Old Duke of York, or Humpty Dumpty. It was a good chance to get together with other poets from the area, and hear their work. These is my 'political' poems, just to show I wasn't idle at the workshop.

Once Defrosted Use Within 24 Hours -  Jane Sharp

1.

I keep Boris Johnson in my freezer

just on the chance I need a blond geezer

who, like a packet of deep frozen peas

survives quite well at minus two degrees

It’s a wibbly, wobbly packet, but then

he’s noted for being one of those men

who can be shaky, in fact, unstable

sure enough when defrosted he’s able

to cause chaos, mayhem, turmoil, it’s like

watching a whirlwind whip snow off a pike

Sometimes, however he’s just the right bloke

to serve at a party, crack a good joke

2.   

I keep Boris Johnson in my freezer,

along with Chris Grayling, and Theresa.

They came in a packet of frozen MPs

I bought, to de-swell my arthritic knees.

Some say, deep-frozen are better than fresh,

and, if you can find them, back-benchers are best,

but even though my MPs ’re high profile

they’re about as sweet as a crocodile.

They’re a moribund bunch, a misshaped mix,

effective enough for a short sharp fix,

but I doubt even these stonyfaced MPs

will ever relieve my arthritic knees.

However, I’ll keep them in my freezer -

Bumbling Boris, Cross Chris and Theresa,

their packet is near to its sell by date,

and I’ll throw it out soon, at any rate.

Next time I’ll buy Birds Eye frozen peas,

go au naturelle, take vitamin Bs,

fill up the freezer with iced G & Ts,

and forget all about my arthritic knees.

Close Encounter at the Ritz – Jane Sharp

Mary Jane went to the Ritz

For supper with her daughter,

When old Wino showed his bits

She said: ‘you shouldn’t ‘ave aught – t’.

Wino! Wino! We know you,

We know what you are after,

Mend your ways you fat gnu

Or be prepared for slaughter.’

Well, I had lots of fun writing those. I hope you had fun reading them.

We are on the run up to Christmas, and I have written a little verse for my cards. All in all it has been quite a productive week. I'm going to relax now with a couple of episodes of Game of Thrones before bed-y-bies. 

I hope your weekend is going as week as mine, and that the sun shines on us all tomorrow.

Love and hugs,

Jane x

Sheds Away!

After two years of dreaming about having a garden shed let me introduce to you 'Cyrus the Shed'. Cyrus, because David's grandfather was called Cyrus, and the shed reminds him of his boy days, when he visited his grandfather. Whatever, anything for a peaceful life! Even though we have painted Cyrus in a lovely light blue colour, he is still a man-shed, and I am more than happy to go along with that. O glorious day that has taken a kitchen cupboard full of weights (of the gym variety), tools, cans of paint, a chair that was in the way, old oil cans, and a wood-burning stove (not to mention David who is much happier with a screw driver in his hand than moping about the house) out of my way and into 'Cyrus the Shed.' 

I know he (Cyrus the Shed) is looking a bit naked at the moment, but it won't be long before he is labelled, and decorated with a few obligatory 'shed' accessories. For now the pink blossom frames him nicely. And look how happy my man is.

Not so, I, who have just roasted a ham joint forgetting all about soaking it overnight to de-salt it. Yuk! Another cooking failure. We'll have to eat it a little at a time. Well, is someone telling me something?

I've managed to write a couple of poems this week, one about the Industrial Revolution, I don't know where that one came from.

I also spent some time at Elsecar Parish Church searching the records for information about the Royston family. I found several references and it's just the beginning, they have a wonderful archive of Elsecar's history, thanks to the Heritage group in the village.

So, we are going to the polls again. What a shocker! Well, if it's anything like last time, the only leaflet that came through our door was from the new Chinese takeaway.  We didn't see anyone knocking on doors. I suppose this area is a given 'Labour' stronghold. I do find the amount of money that is wasted, not to mention productive working days, could be put to better use. I know, there are arguments on both sides. 

(Sounds of gentle hammering from 'Cyrus')

That reminds me, I forgot to tell you that I had a 'situation' last week. I shut the bedroom door from the outside, and would it open again? Not on your life. The handle had no purchase on the catch and I was well and truly locked out. Of course, it was pre-Cyrus, and all the tools were in our built in wardrobe, inside the bedroom. David was away for the night visiting our Jo and Jack in Kent, and I was left marooned on the landing. I did think, never mind I will sleep in the spare room, I had towels in the bathroom, it wasn't like I was locked out of the kitchen, heaven forbid! And then I remembered my pills on the drawers at the side of the bed. Right! Right! As luck would have it my wood carving chisels were downstairs. Oh dear, I hear you say. Next door must have thought I'd gone mad. Bang! Bang! Foot behind the door and focus of a Ninja, two minutes later I was in. The damage was minimal but we do need new handles for the door.

(The hammering outside has turned into drilling)

I'm going to finish here, I hope you all had a very good Easter. There were no eggs hidden in our garden, but we have got a most BEAUTIFUL shed. And methinks it now has a shelf if not two.

Bye for now,
Love and hugs,
Jane x

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!   I knew the minute I saw him...

Yes, the sun was streaming in through the bedroom curtains, porridge was in the pan before I had time to think smoothy, toast, or anything otherwise, and that happy Valentine's greeting of 'do you want me to clean your boots,' melodiously fell on my waking ears. And when I got downstairs, there he was in his walking regalia, rucksack at the ready.

Valentine's Day - a walk in the countryside, who could ask for anything more. Then when we stopped for a cuppa and a bacon butty, it was, have you got a tenner love? I ask you, where's the romance in that. But, just as I had resigned myself to that, ah, bless, I know he loves me without red roses, excuse that more women than me have told themselves, the situation was in sight of redemption.

We had reached Elsecar, and the Antiques Fair. This is it, I thought, this is where he says, if you see a little something you like I'll treat you. Not! But I did end up buying a tin mop bucket as a prop for the play I'm in at the Acadamy Theatre in April. And, he did carry it all the way home, which was sort of gallant, if you know what I mean. Not quite a Knight in armour, but close.
Such is love!

Other news - I had a little trip out with my drama group friends on Thursday evening. We went in a minibus, to the theatre in Cleethorpes, where Up The Resistance was on. Now, as this is the play which we are rehearsing for at the moment, it was fun to see what the other am dram group made of it. So, it was a bit of a spying mission, but fun all the way. They were really good, so I think we shall have to up our game. I've never been to Cleethorpes before, but in the dark we could have been anywhere. I couldn't see the sea. On the run in we did pass a huge industrial site, all lit up for miles, but it wasn't exactly illuminations.

I've prepared my A Poet in Crete for Kindle this week, too. It will be available any day now.

My lovely man.

Well, I do hope your Valentine's Day was as wonderful as mine. (Or even better). Talk again soon.

Love and hugs,

Jane x

The Travellers is Open - Hooray!

Sunday day out at the Heritage Centre, Elsecar, where a special Seaside event was taking place. 

Not quite the beach

Lots of fun for children though

Donkey rides for all

A variation on the carousel

and a chance to hook a duck

 And after working up a thirst... we headed for a pint. Spoiled for choice we ended up back in Birdwell, where we now have a pub at each end of our road, the Cock, down by the motorway, or the newly opened Travellers Inn, on Sheffield road. So we opted for one drink in each.

We have watched the work going on at the Travellers Inn since we arrived in Birdwell in February. Delighted to see it opened this weekend we first popped in for a pint on Friday, early doors. Out with the traditional pub look, and in with the new, spacious, wooden floor, dare I say it, a little more up market establishment. We can't wait to try out the food, which is to be served as from Wednesday. Maybe next weekend we'll treat ourselves to a pub lunch.

Topping off a perfect day, the family came a visiting. My how grown up are our two lovely granddaughters. They didn't stop long, but it was great to see them.

I'm waiting to hear when to start my new little voluntary job at Royston. More about that when it happens.

We bought some daffodil, snowdrop and crocus bulbs in Barnsley, yesterday, so I feel a bit of gardening coming on tomorrow.

I'm all set for a creative week ahead. But now it's bedtime. Night night, sleep tight!
Love Jane x